The History Of The World...

VWV Note: I received the following in an email. There was no author listed, but kudos go to the originator of this history. Thought we could all use a smile these days.

For those that don't know about history . Here is a condensed version:

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

1. Liberals, and
2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can was invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement. Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth.... the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food is standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys,
journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the military, airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history:

It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.

A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to tick them off.

And there you have it. Let your next action reveal your position.

Lesson from the Derby

Saturday was the first Saturday of May, and as for many a year, I always watch the Kentucky Derby. I find it exciting, although this year, the never ending live coverage the hour before the two minute race had me fast asleep.

I woke up when I finally heard the theme song, My Old Kentucky Home, and sat up to watch. I admit that this year, I did not take the time to really study the horses. There was no favorite in my mind.

All the major talk was on the big name horses and how much money they either cost their owners or where they trained or even how much money they had previously won.

There was relatively no mention of "Mine That Bird." Who is he?

He's the gelding with the soul of a winner. Reportedly costing his owner less than $10,000 and a very long shot, he received minimal coverage. Instead, the media chose to talk about his owner being on crutches.

Bang went the start gun. The front runners were as expected. And then, out of nowhere- "Mine That Bird" flew past everyone and won. Not by a mere fraction, but by lengths. The excitement was there.

The extraordinary win of "Mine That Bird" brings home a lesson to all of us, especially during these trying times.

Work hard. Remember your roots. Run for the glory. Others may have more press and be slated the winner, but perseverance works.

Yep, I'll take a step back and think of "Mine That Bird" and his mighty run for the roses as I consider the stakes of today's battles.

"Mine That Bird"-- what a wonderful example to follow. Oh, and his jockey, Calvin? What a winning team! Superb!